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From Our Front Porch Looking In



Hi Internet!

I feel like I'm sitting down with an old friend. I feel as if I'm meeting up with someone who meant the world to me for so long, related to me on every level, and was with me through so much (dating, drama, work, roommates, engagement, marriage, pregnancy, babies, college, and moving), and a friend I let slip away. Man, I've pushed myself to log into my computer and start writing again. To pick up where I left off, but it just seems way too overwhelming. The further behind I slipped, the harder it was to start.

And then my husband spoke my ultimate love language and gave me the Christmas present of my dreams: he printed my blog. He printed this whole blog, all of my little, stupid thoughts, every picture, every immature post, every emotional drawl, so many years of my life- he had formatted, printed, and tied it up with a bow and handed it to me on Christmas morning. And this friendship that I had been determined was too difficult for me to maintain, one I had pushed to the back burner, convinced myself was not important, was in my face and tangible. And all of a sudden I remembered how much I love this little space I have claimed on the world wide web.

That was at Christmas. And now, here I sit, a good chunk into April, and just starting to pound out my thoughts.

I was paralyzed by the fact that I was nearly a year behind documenting our lives. How would I ever catch up? So, I didn't. I feigned ignorance and apathy. And then my every genius husband said something profound to me. He said, "You don't have to catch up. Why would you  have to catch up?" Like, whoa. Earth shattering, right? He prompted me to start where I am now. Whoa. Again. He's definitely the brains in the family.

I am curled up in our recliner, candles lit (trying to create hygge- my latest obsession), Great British Baking Show on the TV (have you watched? I'm obsessed.). The girls are asleep, Dustin is at work (ugh) and for the first time in my life I thought: no time like the present.

I know this all seems underwhelming and stupid to worry over. But, here's the thing- this has become a theme for my life. My blog slipped away (something I found comfort in). Relationships that required effort started to seem daunting and I felt incompetent. I currently sit at the heaviest weight I've ever been (including being 40 weeks pregnant) and it feels as though there is no reason to try- it feels like I'm too far behind.

This is all sounding a whole lot more bleak than I intended.

I'm happy right now; I'm so content with our lives right now. I feel the friends I have now, the place we live, and things we get to experience are exactly what we are supposed to be doing. My girls are thriving, my husband makes me so proud every single day. It's just my own self I'm battling.

I have tried to convince myself to settle (for lack of a better word). I've told myself I'm so happy in so many areas of my life right now, that I don't deserve to be satisfied with everything. I tried to convince myself that maybe this isn't the time of blogging for me. Maybe I should only keep the plus size clothes in my closet, and accept my body for what it is right now. There is nothing wrong with that.

There is just something so foreboding that comes with settling. And I don't want to settle. I'm also learning that talk is cheap.

So here I am. Back in this place I love, with no expectations but definitely some goals and on the search of improvement. I don't come with big news, or glamours pictures. I'm here to put my best foot forward and start embracing the things I love- the things that make my life the best life for me. I know this is lacking cohesiveness and logic.

I'm starting.
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This post is long overdue and will be very overwhelming. But, here it is. We joined the rest of the Ackerman Clan to take Disneyland in July (a late celebration of Patty's graduation and birthday). I'll try to keep my commentary to a minimum, but I have no control over the excessive pictures. 

The first stop was the teacups, at Abby's request. She had watched countless Disneyland videos on Youtube in anticipation of the vacation. She was an expert by the time we arrived, navigating us through the park from ride to ride. I'm not even exaggerating.




Meeting Mickey was one of the first moments I fell in head over heels in love with Disney. Abby was super hesitant as she approached him. She was scooped up in conversation with Mickey's 'helper' and felt safe and assured - giving Mickey a giant hug without thinking twice. I definitely cried. 







Abby's one character request all along was to meet Jessie. 



As we entered Cars Land, Abby yelled, "It's real! It's the best day of my whole life!" 







After three days in the park, we took a break on Sunday to go to church and hit the beach in the afternoon. We were in heaven with the big waves and extra soft sand. 





Evie was on the trip, too. Though not a fan of the characters, she did love the rides- as always, was mad when she had to sit on a lap (this child wants to be 13).


We stole away with Grandma Patty and Grandpa John for an hour one morning for a little special time. Love soaking up these two and especially love how much they love our girls. 



The Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique was definitely a highlight. Grandma Patty took Abby and Lexi for a special visit. Abby still talks about it nearly everyday (three months later). 



A special run in with the Fairy Godmother leaving the park that day. 

Dustin wasn't there when Abby walked out of the Boutique. So, when she saw him, she ran to greet him - declaring him her "prince."




A princess and her noise cancelling headphones. 







Sure do love this family of ours beyond words. 








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The last couple of years we have approached the Fourth of July with very little expectations. It's an overwhelming holiday (the fireworks! the firetrucks! candy being pelted at you from moving vehicles!), especially for Abby. I touched a little on what makes Abby special, here, and we are extra sensitive to what will unnecessarily put her in a bad situation.

This year was no different. But, we went into the holiday much more educated, with Abby being a lot more grown up and prepared. We kicked off the weekend viewing fireworks from the beach (another town's celebration) so the fireworks were a decent distance away. These were the first fireworks we've attended in years! While Abby was nervous, she rocked it (hiding in a blanket for half the show, but determined to be brave). 

Monday, the holiday, we wheeled Abby's bike (her prize for pooping on the toilet - go ahead, judge, but when you have four year old who finally consents to that task, you buy her whatever she wants!), decked in streamers, across the street to participate in the kid's parade. 

A quick trip the park behind our house for face painting, afternoon naps, followed by not one, but two (!!) swimming parties and barbecues, and finally more fireworks! (this show was a whole lot more intense. Abby didn't watch a single firework, cried through half of it, but when we tried to leave, she insisted on being brave. break my mama heart!) The firework celebration in New Canaan could not have felt more American. People camped out on blankets while the New Canaan Town Band played live music, and food truck charged one arm for a slice of pizza (welcome to Fairfield, County Connecticut, folks!). We will definitely be adding that celebration to our family traditions.















We feel so lucky to live in our little New England corner of this great country, freely! 
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About Me

Hi! I'm Alyssa, the voice of this blog. I'm a passionate homebody, lover of Diet Coke, good books, and laughing until I cry.

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