"Love me or hate me; I promise it won't make or break me." Lil' Wayne

by - 1:27:00 PM

Countless times I have been told that I am overbearing, blunt, that I thrive on attention, too forward, that I speak my mind...you get the point. Here's the deal: Who's to say that's a bad thing?
Since leaving P-town and attempting to make a life of my own, I have found that I have to watch this more carefully. I am slowly and painstakingly mastering the art. Let me give an example: After being kept awake, by a roommate who felt the urge to do Yoga in the middle of the night, until about 2 in the a.m. I pushed myself out of bed, determined not to toss and turn any longer, but instead try to do something to occupy my mind and hopefully lull me to sleep (microbiology. works like a charm.) I entered the living room, text book in hand, to find her singing along to her music and calmly practicing Yoga. Charming, I'm sure, but not at 2 a.m. I settled on the couch, opened my book, but instead she found it necessary to carry on conversation. I am my father's daughter, and conversation is probably all too welcome for me. As we started talking, she stated she used to be "fat." Unsure of her definition of "fat", I asked her to clarify. 135 lbs. Heaven forbid. Mind you, at this point it was not easy for me to stay composed, as it is very obvious my right toe may weigh 135 lbs. As the conversation progressed, I admitted to eating problems as a freshman in H.S. Nothing serious, or even worth mentioning, we all know I love food too much for anything to progress far enough to cause damage. Her next statement left me speechless, which rarely happens. She said, "Wow, I can't imagine you skinny. Maybe you have gone completely the other way. Most people with eating disorders end up over eating. Maybe that is your problem." And then the killer, "I mean, you aren't honestly satisfied with the way you look are you?" Talk about sticking the knife in and twisting it for good measure.
Now, my point is, my natural instinct was to stand up and tear her limb from limb...questioning the weight of each body part as I progressed. But, instead I simply stated I was tired, and headed off to bed-only to have my alarm sound 3 1/2 hours later, waking me, still fuming.
Ironic, isn't it? All my life I have had to be reminded to keep my opinion to myself, watch what I say, and think before I act. But, truth be told, at least the irrational, unplanned actions allow me to have my say, defend what little ego I have left, and leave me with a sense of satisfaction.

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1 comments

  1. Alyssa you are awesome!! Have you ever thought of being a writer?! Forget microbiology baby! You're a writer!!

    ReplyDelete