Trying to Love the Life I'm Being Forced to Live

by - 5:46:00 PM

Over the years, writing has turned into my socially acceptable way of expressing my somewhat schizophrenic-like symptoms. Today is just one of those days—and it’s all got to come out. Scratch that, I’m going to be 100 percent honest—these last couple weeks have been “just one of those days.”
I started a new semester, always a joy. No, really. I usually like moving back to the ‘Burg. And really, this semester was better than most. I had been living with Heidi’s family over the 7 week break (which was so amazing of them) but I was most definitely ready to be on my own again. For the first time in over a year I came up ready to meet friends and be myself completely. The only thing that I didn’t anticipate being a part of this plan was the fact that people may not like it when I am myself. Why? I don’t know? I’m over-powering, loud, and always think I’m 8 times funnier than everyone else does. I find humor in making others uncomfortable, and then don’t know when to stop…so, they end up leaving near tears. It’s about that time that I start to feel guilty…just about an hour too late. Hello Alyssa, sensor! Most people are built with them somewhat active, mine has been over ridden so many times it is no longer functions.
The few friends who have managed to build up enough calluses to handle my abuse, without fail, end up dating my friend(s). This is so typical of my life. You know the sayings, “Always the friend, never the girl…” Not that I necessarily want to be the girl…really, but sometimes I just want to punch them and say, “Just be MY friend without using me to get my friend!” Ok, done.
Really, it’s not all bad. I’m having fun. I have a good job, I only have really late classes twice a week, and I still have another fruit roll from mom in my cupboard. I have good friends, who love me 328th best.
I think it’s time to sit back and count my blessings right about now.

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2 comments

  1. Alyssa, I know exactly how you feel. I had this problem when I moved here. Okay, I'm still struggling. You and I are both people who say what we think. Sometimes this is shocking to those who don't appreciate us. Let me assure you that there are people out there who can take it. Change is always hard. Always. Soak it in and try to enjoy it. Meanwhile, I'll attempt to abide by my own advice.

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  2. I like you 10th best of my children. My children, then Brooke Hart is my 8th daughter, Christina is my 9th and Alyssa is Heidi's twin coming in at ten. That is much better than 328th.

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