Thought Purge

by - 3:11:00 PM

I've had a lot of time to think today. About a lot of different things, I've been thinking.

I've been thinking about Taco Bell, not only about how bad it is for my poor, non-existent gall bladder, but about how much I want it. What I would give to be able to eat a tray full of soft tacos (loaded with mild sauce) and never know the difference.

What if my Visa doesn't go through and I'm the only one stuck in the Vietnam Airport? All alone. For 3 weeks. That would be just my luck.

I'm considering selling my right arm to buy a new pair of Nike Airs. I just saw them online and fell in love. I can't help love at first sight.

As much as I love slow days at work, I really hate them. Then I have this extra time to think.

I really want to cut my hair off. I love it when it's short. But, I've worked so hard to get it this long, I might as well keep going. Besides, everyone tells me to keep it long. I'm scared I'm going to get to breaking point and bic my head in a moment of frustration.

I'm so tired I think if anybody so much as looks at me- I'll start to cry.

I really need some new winter clothes. I'm about to go to Vietnam, and I would really rather spend my money there. I think I'll just freeze instead.

I want to read a new book. A really good one; one I get so lost in I can't put it down.
I want to try a new recipe. A hard one; one I work at for a long time, and the results are gorgeous and delicious.
Maybe I'll eat it while reading my new book.

I wish I could see 5 years into the future. Just for a second. Just to see if I'm on the right track.

I always push people away. It's always people that care most about me, are the best for me, and make me the happiest. My mom says I need to learn to rely on other people. She says I rely so much on myself it becomes a fault, and I lose good people because I push them away. (Good thing she's stuck with me for life, she has no choice in the matter.) How do I stop pushing people away? I even recognize when I'm doing it, and I still can't stop.

I care a lot about what others think. As much as I don't care, I do care. I don't care about lame things, like: what I wear to the store, or if my coat matches. But, I care what they are talking about after I leave, or who they see me associated with. I care about the stuff I shouldn't care about. I need to change. Like yesterday, I need to change.

I really like my calling. A lot. I love loving these girls. I love how much they teach me. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Anything.

I wish my passport picture wasn't so ugly. Now I'm stuck with an ugly picture for 10 years.

I can't wait to go to bed tonight.

I should paint my toenails. Too bad I'm so disgusted by my own feet, the thought of painting them makes me dry heave. Too bad it doesn't make me sick enough my Taco Bell craving goes away.

I should really stop spilling my thoughts.

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