Obviously I'm struggling with being positive. If we're all being honest with each other, I've always struggled to look on the bright side of things. I don't know what it is about good ol' Dieter (I hope I'm not struck down for referring to a prophet of God as "good ol'") the last couple days, but this morning I was flipping through The Ensign this morning as I was forcing myself the eat oatmeal. He got me again. Needless to say, I've decided to look for the good.

Here are some of the good things in my life right now.

*I've discovered I can eat oatmeal if I put a lot of crunchy peanut butter, and sliced bananas in it.

*These people make me really happy. For example: I got a text from Morgan the other day that said, "I'm good. Fam is too. We went sledding today. That was neat. Dad couldn't zip up the snow pants. And his tush was curved so nicely. Ha, we were laughing at him."
I do love them. So, they're good.

*I bet I can go another month before I have to get my hair done again. That's good.

*I just got to spend a weekend in Montana with some of the best, most adorable people I know. Traci, on the right is one of them. The other one is my mom. They are both really patient with me even when I freak out...although, they do take the opportunity to make fun of me.

Traci likes to take me to do things fun and girly. Things I've never dreamed of doing. The best part is that she loves every minute of it. And she reads my blog. Always. That's love.

The other day, I talked to my mom for awhile. Just for fun (and because I was homesick). I love that. I wish I could explain how amazing my mom is.

These ladies are the best of the best. They are beyond good.

*The nice, perfect boy finally decided to watch Prison Break with me. We're starting back at the beginning. That's good.

*I got Tanya's wedding announcement yesterday. That's so, so good.

*This nice, perfect boy named Dustin brings most of the good. More like great.

Doing my nightly scripture reading I found my answer. Thank goodness for living prophets, eh? And for answers to prayers.

"The more we are filled with the Spirit of God, the more we extend ourselves to others. We become peacemakers in our homes and families, we help our fellowmen everywhere, and we reach out in merciful acts of kindness, forgiveness, grace, and long-suffering patience.

"These are the first steps along the true way of life and fulfillment. This is the peaceable way of the follower of Jesus Christ."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"The Way of the Disciple," (April 5, 2009)

Now I just need to apply it. Not going to lie, I think it's going to be hard work. I guess it's not supposed to be easy.

**I'm not the only one that receives answers to prayers. Personal revelation is entitled to all. There are living prophets today, and there is a knowing and loving God who hears and answers prayers for everyone. I promise. This is what I believe.

I am really frustrating myself.

I'm really trying to be a peacemaker. But, people really bug me sometimes. Especially when it's the same people a lot of the time. And then I get really annoyed. And then everyone starts to bug me. And then I can't bring peace. Instead, I just clamp my mouth shut really, really tight and try not to say anything, and keep myself busy. Because, I'm scared if I open my mouth I'll say something rude. I'm that bad, people.

I have got to change.

So, at my office we wear matching scrubs on different days of the week. On Thursdays we all wear zebra scrubs. And they are really zebra-y. When we got them, Dr. L. asked us if we were planning on wearing chains with them too.

This last Thursday, as I was getting off work, perfect, nice, Dustin called me. He said he was working at the ski resort and two people had not showed up. I told him I was sorry. I thought that's what he wanted me to do-feel bad for him. But, he wanted me to come and work with him. Yup. That's right folks, in my zebra scrubs and all.

I want you to picture this: me (enough said right there, but it goes on), in my zebra scrubs, fresh off work at the OB/GYN office, trying not to slip in the grease I kept spilling, serving french fries. Oh, and I was so lost in that place I kept screaming at Dustin, across the kitchen and customers, to tell me what to do.

I wonder why the tip jar was kind of empty that night.

Be proud.

Remember one of my New Year's resolutions? To be better with money.

Remember how I've talked about being better for a long time?

And remember how I keep complaining that I don't follow through with goals?

Today I began my improvement process.

Have you heard of Mint.com? It's awesome. But, not so awesome for me right now. It's the site the nice, perfect boy showed me. He's a Financial Economics major. Of course he showed me this. Anyway, the other day he showed me his account. You can link it to your bank accounts and credit cards. You can set goals for yourself financially. It will gage what you're spending money on; and when you create a budget it will notify you when you exceed the set categories.

Sweet, right?

Kind of. It's really sweet for people that are smart with money. (Like the perfect boy.) For me, it just shows me how awful I am. I wanted to cry. But, maybe Mint and I will create a new, strong, healthy relationship.

Bring on the change.

Dear Future,

I am really happy about they way things are looking with you. A little while ago I would have told you I was frustrated. Frustrated that I couldn't read you, and that you were so unclear. It seems your lack of communication has actually helped me out quite a bit. Although, you do know how much I hate surprises...and you sure did throw a few of those my way. Luckily, those surprises have been better for me than I could have ever chosen for myself.

I'm kind of jealous you knew all along how happy I would be right now. How content, and how excited I would be to keep pressing forward with you. You've been able to be excited for a lot longer than I have. That's OK, I'll forgive you.

I hope we can still be friends despite all the times the last couple years I cussed you. All I wanted was a little peek into what you had hiding. But, you sure have made up for it. Do you forgive me?

Do you want to know what I think is the best part about our newly grounded relationship? I don't think I'll ever complain about you again. I'm pretty stoked to embark on this journey.

Keep the good life coming. What do ya say?

All my faith and trust (see...I told you my views have changed),

Yours Truly

Mom is taking a picture of Kendon making Brock laugh hystercially.

Morgan is doing the dishes. For the 30th time today. This wouldn't be a problem if we didn't eat enough to feed a small country everyday. It's all Traci's fault.

Speaking of Traci, she's unloading the dishwasher, again. I wonder how she always stays put together even after a full day of work, shopping, and cooking. I really just want to run over to her and mess up her hair. That would show her.

Joe is taunting people. Lovingly, of course.

Brooke is holding a rag under her nose, scared it will start bleeding again. She's been like that for an hour.

Makenna is sporting a lovely sheer ballet skirt. Don't worry, her princess undies make it modest.

Mason is holding his toy, turned inside out, affectionately named "Lump." Earlier, I was sitting on it and I heard, "Alyssa, Mason needs Lump. You're sitting on him." Yeah, took me a second to get what was going on, too.

College basketball is playing. I feel like I'm at the Preston High School game, though. Haylee and Morgan are receiving texts religiously updating them on the score. Mom is sure they'll lose because Wyatt fouled out.

Bailey is growling at the door to be let out. I forget how bad her tail hurts when she walks by you. Like a stinking whip.

Dad is observing. Arms crossed. He calls it contemplating.

People, I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact I return to Rexburg tomorrow night. I love these people. Everything done with my aunt, uncle, and adorable cousins is fun. Did I mention they are all beautiful? And that their house is beautiful?

And guess what's even better? The nice, perfect boy came with us. Yeah, I think he kind of likes me. He is willing to brave family bondage for the long weekend. Not only that, but we road up with my family. All the way to Montana. In the Yukon. It's a nine-seater. There is 10 of us, with the nice perfect boy. See why I love him?

We're about to have a family talent show. I better go. I have to make up a talent for Dustin and me. Wish me luck.

So, we get a lot of presents around my house. But, it's really not our fault. We have a lot of...things (for lack of a better word) that bring us presents. For instance: we have the traditional Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny. But, in addition to those, we have the New Year's Fairy (who brings everything left over that Santa forgot-the fairy leaves your presents in your shoe you leave by the door overnight) and the North Wind pays a visit annually.

The North Wind comes every Valentine's Day. This gust pounds on the door and leaves a pile of presents-one labeled for everyone. I'm not kidding when I say I have never seen the North Wind. And believe me, I have tried. I mean, this wind doesn't blow by in the middle of the night like all the other sissy fairies and bearded men. This fairy comes in the evening or night, when everyone is together, enjoying themselves, and least expecting it. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. Including Mom and Dad. I'm also not exaggerating when I say that I have received presents from the North Wind every Valentine's Day-without fail-even since I've been away from home. And I have still not seen it. I guess I can't. It's a wind. Duh.

Folks, I believe.

Remember my BFF Tanya? Tonight I opened a text message from her that read, "If the North Wind does not show up to my house tomorrow I will no longer believe in Valentine's Day."

I would even go as far to say that if the North Wind does not show up at my house tomorrow, I will no longer believe in love. (Or is that pushing it a little too far?)

***Just a side note: it is impossible to not believe in these wonderful, present-bearing things coming from the Harrison Household. For instance: Mom and Dad are always present when the North Wind pays a visit. The New Year's Fairy, Santa and all the rest have different writing styles. Not only are they different when you compare them, but they are consistent with the years prior (like, the Easter Bunny writes in the same style every year, as do the rest of the gang).

There was only a couple times the line was slightly blurred. One time, Brooke lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy forgot for almost a week straight. Even though Brooke kept complaining aloud every day. Another year, Santa wanted everyone go downstairs really early and forced them to fall asleep (this message from the jolly ol' fella was delivered by our parentals). Yes, I was 18, and yes, I did have to go to bed with everyone else. Turns Santa got West Nile the same year as our Papa and got fatigued easily, early in the evening, so he wouldn't be able to deliver gifts long after all the children were already snug in their beds.

So, last week I wrote in "My Notebook" a list of things I need to do. I accomplished one of them that day. And through the rest of the week? One more.

I need some serious help being motivated. I have the beginning stages down to an art. I can write my goals down, and my veins pump with excitement and gusto. Then, I try to execute it.
And I totally fail.

My goals are even minuscule. Like blogging for the day. Or going the gym. Or putting air in my tires. Or calling my grandma.

The sad thing is, I'm OK with it when I'm in the process of putting it off. It's later I beat myself up. Even after torrential beatings, the cycle remains the same.

Someone help me.

So, I'm really blessed. I have four sisters. You might read that, roll your eyes, and say, "Alyssa, you're not anymore blessed than me," to which I would argue that I am indeed more blessed than you.

All of my sisters are younger than me, but I've always admired them. I think I should tack onto my New Year's Resolutions- "be more like my sisters."

If I was to be more like my sisters I would do things like:

Be really smart and excel in school like Haylee.
Have an adorable laugh like Brooke.
Be as confident as Syd.
Have gorgeous, care-free hair like Morgan.
Run distances-gracefully-like Haylee.
Be able to pull off slick pony-tails like Sydney Belle.
Send funny texts like Morgan.
Have pretty skin like Brooke.
Make all the girls hate me because I'm so sporty, yet beautiful, like Haylee.
Have pretty eyelashes like Morgan.
Be able to put mousse in my hair and leave the house like Brooke.
Be able to transform my hair into a fro effortlessly like Brooke.
Taunt and tease people-only to have them find it funny, like Syd.
Care about details like Haylee.
Have fun in any situation like Morgan.
Paint fingernails like Morgan (even be 1/4 as creative as Morgan).
Look more like my mom-like Syd.
Wear adorable skinny jeans, and still have them sag-like Brooke.
Prioritize like Haylee.
Keep myself entertained for hours-alone, in my bedroom, late at night-like Morg.
Tell people things as they really are, like Brooke.
Have my opinion matter more than anybody else's like Syd.
Give people notes that make their day, like Haylee.
Be able to brighten the mood with one comment, like Morgan.
Be able to eat a bowl of hot fudge for breakfast-and not have mom get mad like Sydney.
Say: "So what?" or "I don't care." and mean it-like Brooke.

Guys, I'm telling you. I'm so blessed. These girls inspire me to be better everyday. And the cool thing? I don't think they even know they inspire me. They are that amazing.


Dear Sisters,

I love you. More than you'll ever be able to comprehend-I love you. Thanks for always cheering me up when I'm down, for loving me when I don't deserve to be loved. Thanks for caring about me-even though my life isn't exciting, and there isn't much to care about. Thanks for accepting me, and especially for forgiving me.

Most of all: thanks for inspiring me to be better.

I love you to the moon and back, and around the world, and infinity(and that's impossible to beat), or (as Josh would say) infinity plus one-and you really can't beat that.

Always your biggest fan,

Me