My Voice

by - 8:58:00 PM

So, I've been informed that my blog is not like 'my blog' anymore. That it 'doesn't sound like me.'

I have a couple of views on this comment. In the true nature of 'my blog' you better believe I'm going to share.

My first thought was, "Ugh." Literally. Those of you who know me well, can hear me saying this. It's not a basic, "ugh." But, it is more of a guttural, prepare yourself because I'm going to cough up a ball of phlegm, "Ugh." And then I paused.

And my next thought was, "Well, it's not my blog anymore." I don't remember the last time I was me (at least the me that started this blog). Because, you see, now I am part of a we - and we are three (channeling my inner Dr. Seuss). So, my blog has transformed into that which I know - we, three, Ackermans. And, let's be honest, we Ackermans revolve around a little lady.

And then, my non-judgmental side kicked in (always late). And I realized: I am still me, just me as a part of we. (Is anyone still following me? Imagine having these thoughts run through your head - and then next time you see me and I'm a jumbled mess, you'll understand why.)  

Being the over analyzing paranoid I am, I've thought about this all week. As a new mother, I've found it hard to remember my voice. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm plenty vocal, opinionated, and hard headed  (just ask the ever tortured husband of mine). But, sometimes I forget to include 'me' in the 'mommy-me'.

D. is my better half; Lady A. is the best parts of both of us. They literally are my life. But, I remain me.

Did I just ramble on for no reason other than to make a fool of myself, trying to explain myself? Sure did. There I am. Anyway, thank you to the friend who so graciously pointed this out to me. My blog has always been a journal of sorts. It revolves around, and changes with, my life going-ons (no matter how mundane they seem to outsiders). I'm sure I will always overwhelm the web with pictures of my munchkin and her daddy, as they are my going-ons; but, I'll try to express my 'voice.'

It has been a refreshing week, as I've reflected on my identity. I'm still me. In fact, I'd like to think I'm a better me - because I am Mommy Ackerman.

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