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From Our Front Porch Looking In


You guys, this dad should be celebrated every single day. Unfortunately, I'm short-sided and ignorant, so he gets far less recognition than he deserves. But, he rocks the socks off this fatherhood gig. Thanks for loving us, Babe. And for pretending to be surprised when you opened the (yet another) dress shirt that you already saw in the closet. You're, quite literally, the greatest dad ever.


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We got the crazy idea to take advantage of Dustin taking Friday off (for the concert in The City), and planned a quick, overnight trip to Newport, RI. Best decision! Despite being stuck in traffic on the way there (solved by and impulse DVD player purchase I made the day before), we had a blast. Abby looked forward to the hotel and swimming far more than anything else. But, she (along with the rest of us) quickly got caught up in the glamour of the mansions. We kicked it off with a visit to the Marble House, Dustin and Abby hit two more tours while I sat with Evie as she took a much needed nap in the car, then we hit lunch at Corner Cafe, on reccomendation from a friend. (Eat.there.tomorrow!) We wrapped up our trip trekking through the pouring rain to the Breakers.

We will definitely be back. Abby loved the self guided tours, often pointing out parts of the architecture we didn't notice. I hear the decorate for Christmas; you know I'm all about that.

^^a quick pit stop to stretch (after being stuck in traffic, doubling the driving time) and eat some yummy seaside seafood.


^^Abby declared each mansion a castle, obvious, being the princess she is



^^what seemed like overnight, this girl developed quite the attitude on this trip




^^Abby (Elsa, rather) wrapping up her performance, "...tell the guards to open up the gates!"


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I'm desperately trying to catch up on this blog, strictly for journaling purposes. This is truly the easiest way for me to document my family's lives. My girls are changing every second. Making me laugh every day (and sometimes, cry too). So, I'm going to interrupt this blog catch up to vomit out what's on my mind and post some pictures Dustin snapped that capture  my girls so perfectly right now. I'm so scared that life is busy and crazy and mundane that I'll forget it. I don't want to forget my life right now!

Abby gets funnier, more observant, even more sensitive, and spirited every day. Just the other day, after a glamorous dinner at Taco Bell, Abby told me, "Belle must have a lot of Tacos under her dress. You know, 'Taco Bell?'" That's my kind of ball gown, baby girl. Girlfriend lives like a princess, and we are all her subjects. In Disneyland last week, she told Tinkerbell: "I'm a princess because sometimes my mom and dad call me that." But, she refuses to cut her hair, certain that she will lose her powers, and her hair will turn brown, if it gets cut. I'm not sure if she is channeling her inner Samson or Rapunzel. 

Evie is independent and fiery. Sister never holds still; she is running, climbing, and attempting to kill me by heart attack all day. She always looks like a ragamuffin, hair wild, food on her face, and in dirty clothes. But man, she is living her best life. This weekend she has had a fever of about 102*, keeping her snuggling in my lap. It breaks my heart to have her sick, but man alive I love the extra snuggles. 

The girls keep me busy, exhausted, really. I'm working hard to feel better and so I welcome the busy life. Between the girls, swimming, the beach, vacations, upcoming visitors, trying to squeeze in time with Dustin somewhere in there, and even more upcoming vacation (yay!) the summer is flying by. It's been a good one, this summer. 

I spend everyday wondering how all our money goes to Costco, why cars have to break, and how time is flying so freaking fast. And, there's always the ever present question in my mind lately: Why is Jim on the Bachelorette? I mean, does Pam know?!

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Somehow, I got the crazy idea to drag my family to The City when I heard We the Kings would be playing on Fox and Friends. A couple of issues: the concert started at six o'clock (in the morning!), and...okay, that was the only issue. But, it meant that we would need to leave by five o'clock. But, the idea was planted and Dustin knew not to try and deter me (honestly, he was equally as excited as me - a long time fan of the band, long before I was!). 

So, we followed through. Trekked to the city a few minutes after five, found parking an hour after arrival (typical, thanks for nothing, NYC), and checked Twitter - only to find out that the band was actually playing at eight o'clock. So, we snagged some breakfast at out go to - McDonald's (judge us, but at least I'm honest. The rest of you like McDonald's, too. You just lie about it.) and then headed to the venue. 

The band was great, I dug deep and drug up enough bravery to introduce myself to Jenny (the wife of the lead singer). Being the well composed person I am, I blurted introductions and how much I admired her and asked for a picture all in one breath and then ran away. 

We danced and sang along with Travis. Evie ate it up, Abby plugged her ears and asked to take a nap (a reasonable request), but when we got in the car she promptly started singing along to their greatest hits. 

We made a quick walk around Rockefeller, stopped at the M&M store, and then set off for Newport (post to come!), all before 10 am. 




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Mid-June, Abby wrapped up her first year of preschool. The improvements she made were incredible, and all at the hands of her awesome teachers. The loved my girl, like I love my girl. She was seen as an individual, accepted for all that she is, and taught all that she could learn.  Putting her in school this year was one of the hardest decisions we've made (financially, emotionally and everything else). A whole bunch of tears and prayer went into the decision. And with a snap of our fingers (really, with one phone call) everything fell into place for her to attend this Early Learning Program. The biggest blessing and proof we are not in charge here. 

This school year Abby has learned to cope in social situations, she communicates calmly, she writes her name, listens to instructions, and so much more (helllllllo potty trained child!). I take zero responsibility for this, and owe it all to her teachers. They took my spirited, sensitive girl and taught her things I couldn't - while loving and accepting her in every way. 

So, while wrapping up a preschool year is not monumental to some - it is huge for us. And to our Abby Lynn, stay wild and weird. Girlfriend, you're one step closer to ruling the world.


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Memorial Day weekend started off with a bang and Dustin getting off work early (hallelujah!). We ate fast food (resulting in some sick bellies), spent Sunday afternoon on the beach (is there any other way?), and watched the parade right outside our front door on Monday morning. We wrapped up the weekend with a trip to the Danbury mall, a carousel ride, and more fast food (long weekends are not for cooking). 








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I spent Mother's Day weekend not cooking, changing zero diapers, and shopping. So, I'd say it was a massive success. I'm so humbled (and totally inadequate) to be given the chance to mother these girls. They are so much better than me; I'm the luckiest. 



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Abby's fourth birthday was the center of our world for at least two months. It was talked about daily, used as ultimatums, and I'm pretty sure I threatened to take away her birthday if she wouldn't poop on the toilet (I wish I was kidding). But the birthday came in with a bang, and lasted at least 10 days. Girlfriend was in heaven for the entirety. 

Thursday before her birthday, Dad surprised her at school as the mystery reader. She could not contain her excitement, hysterically giggling through the whole thing. This Daddy's girl was in heaven. 



With her birthday landing on Sunday, she opened presents and spent the afternoon eating her favorite lunch (steak) and building her birthday present: the very coveted Lego Cinderella Castle. 







We had friends over that night for Costco cake, decorated by the princess herself. 



We had a easy, park birthday party the following week. She requested a rainbow party, and being the non-pinterest mom that I am, I threw together rainbow cupcakes and bought some multicolored fruit and veggie trays. #momoftheyear

She loved every minute. 







^^when four year olds take over my phone at the party

We love this kid more than anything. She is so wonderfully weird and full of life. She feels every emotion so, so strongly, and is so sensitive. Happy birthday, to our sweetest girl. You light up our world. 

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This post has been sitting in my drafts for well over two months now, waiting to be published. I'm not going to re-read it. I'm sure it is flawed and lacking organization, making little sense. To that, I say, oh well.

I'm making an executive decision and pausing the usually scheduled picture catch-up to post something a little more personal both for journaling purposes as well as a teeny tiny glimpse into my life (as if you were interested).

I'm going to write this post as if I was writing to a friend. That's why I started this blog, as an escape and a "friend." So, here I am again. Behind, and needing a catch up (the way I am with so, so many of my real life friends, too!). I'm not editing; I'm not re-reading; here are my raw, unfiltered thoughts on the thing that scares me most these days: me.

Dear Friend,

Here's the thing. Life has been a little rocky for the last little while (okay, two years). After getting the super terrifying news that we were moving cross country (terrifying, exciting, and heartbreaking) we got the incredibly exciting news that we were expecting a baby (now we know her as our spitfire, Evie Rose). Wrap all that news up, tie it with a bow, and give me a heart attack.

But, I'm here to tell you: I survived. And, we are all so much better for these changes. We have Evalyn, making our family whole and keeping us on our toes! Abby goes to an incredible school (and poops in the toilet)! Dustin has a job he love, love, loves! We have friends who are like family! And, we've learned to appreciate our families so much more. We are in a happy place in our lives, we really are. 
 
That's not to say it was easy. And it's still not easy. 

After Evie, and probably during a good chunk of the pregnancy, I felt the post partum baby blues turning a whole lot more sour. And, before I knew it, I was wanting to sleep most of the day, felt little motivation to leave the house, and my social anxiety was at an all time high. It's been a long time since I've been that low (if ever). I've felt resentful, despondent, lacking as a mother, and literally, physically sick. 

I was frustrated, gaining weight, and had no desire to change that. I was so, so unhappy. Mind you, I'm no newbie to this life. Dealing with anxiety my whole life (knowing about it since I was 18), I've been around the loop a few times. The dark cloud of depression that accompanied it this time was something I couldn't shake; but I mastered the art of putting on a happy show. 

I'm talking about all of this as though it's past tense. I'd love for it to be past tense. I'm slowly coming out of the fog, I think. But, it's still very present. My hormones are all sorts of screwed up and my anxiety at an all time high; ulcers and insomnia are running my life. My short temper is ruining my family's. 

You should know, I'm not oblivious. I've seen doctors. I've found help. Because, for all of you out there who think you aren't sick, that it's all in your head, and that you are in control of it: you aren't. You are sick. Get help, because, luckily for us there is help to be had! It's real and it's not your fault. 

As you know, when Abby was a little over a year old I changed my lifestyle - eating healthier, exercising regularly, and adopting an all-around active lifestyle. I lost 45 (ish) lbs, feeling better than I had felt ever before. During my pregnancy with Evalyn, I kept with those habits, for the most part. And, at six weeks post partum I was looking at losing 30 lbs to get back to my pre pregnancy weight. A hefty amount for some, but far better than the situation post Abby. I was proud, and determined. 

Until I wasn't. Nobody ever talks about that part of motherhood (or life), ya know? Nobody ever talks about the baby blues turning into ice cold, two year, black holes. But, it's a thing. 

So, now, I'm on the mend and staring straight into the face of an unhealthy lifestyle, a mind that has zero determination, now 50 lbs overweight, and panic attacks that sometimes control my life.

My point is not for you to pity me. My point is to talk about something that I've brushed off. To face it head on. And to quit addressing it as a light-hearted joke, or with a hint of sarcasm like I do. My real hope is that if I write it down I'll be able to take control again. Starting now. 

I'm shaking as I type this. Nervous to hit publish. Fighting the urge to go back and edit and sugar coat my words. Why is that? Why am I nervous to talk about real things, in my real life. That's the weird thing about our lives now, there is so much show that goes into what we share. Real life takes a back seat. 

Thanks for listening. And not judging. And loving me for me (the crazy parts, too). There's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for my girls - literally the only thing that keeps me going and my built in best friend - my rockstar husband. 


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About Me

Hi! I'm Alyssa, the voice of this blog. I'm a passionate homebody, lover of Diet Coke, good books, and laughing until I cry.

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